Some bars really make you work for your drink. You wave and feint to catch the bartender's eye, and even then your scotch might be made with unspecial cubes of booze-diluting ice. Life's no bowl of maraschino cherries for bar owners either—those 17 vodka brands aren't going to keep track of themselves. Here's how new tippling technology of today will bring you the ultimate, optimized, smooth-drinking bar of tomorrow.
Illustration: EBOY
1. SceneTap
An "anonymous" facial-detection algorithm connected to a camera at the entrance (creepy!) tells an app on your phones the current male-to-female ratio, average age, and level of activity you can expect (handy!).
2. Turnstyle
This positioning system monitors traffic patterns by anonymously pinging patrons' phoness via Wi-Fi. This feeds the house info on unique visitors and repeat customers.
3. NitroTap
No more wasted bottles of oxidized wine: NitroTap holds open bottles in a rack, taps them, and tops them with low pressure nitrogen—America's favorite O2-excluding gas—to deliver cool, fresh, healing wine.
4. Cirrus Ice Ball Press
All that pesky surface area on an ice cube means it melts faster, diluting liquor. This slug of aluminum turns a block of ice into a slow-melting sphere.
5. TouchTunes
Use your phones to control the jukebox, see what's played and what's coming up, and even drop extra coin (via in-app credits) to get Duran Duran moved to the front of the queue.
6. Pour My Beer
Drinkers wear an RFID bracelet tied to a bar tab. They pull their pints themselves, and the system tallies what they owe. Efficient for patrons, disintermediating for bartenders, bad news for a well-built pint of Guinness.
7. Alcohol Analytics
Flow meters installed between the kegs and taps track stats about beer consumption. The resulting report can monitor brew popularity—letting the bar know how well that 2-for-1 campaign is performing—and compare output to server reports (to bust bartenders for handing out too many free drinks).
8. Barmaxx
Like Alcohol Analytics but for liquor; it uses scales under the bottles plus RFID stickers. Now those 17 vodkas will keep track of themselves.
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