(quirky music)

Listen, I know you're here for an absurd creature,

and I certainly appreciate that.

But fair warning, this one is a little bit rough.

I'm talking an animal that lives

inside a hippo's rectum kind of rough.

In Africa, there's a leech that feeds on hippo rectums.

And not only that,

it feeds exclusively on hippo rectums.

These, ladies and gentlemen,

are the life and times of the hippo butt leech.

So, where to begin?

I guess it's pretty simple really.

Hippos have incredibly tough hides.

So tough, that leeches can't hope

to breakthrough to get blood.

The hippo butt leech has no choice

but to exploit the only bit it can.

So, it crawls up the hippo's leg,

into its anus,

and anchors itself into the rectum

using suckers on either side of its body.

Here's a purely scientific image

of I believe to be a hippo rectum,

and the bum leeches in question.

Here, it finds some soft flesh,

and digs in with its muscular, maneuverable proboscis.

And it can take on as much as

10 times its weight in blood.

While mosquitoes use anticoagulants

to keep your blood flowing,

that's not so with leeches.

Instead, they just deploy anticoagulants internally,

on account of getting so packed full of blood.

If they didn't,

they'd cease up like bricks.

Now, if you have never seen a hippo have a BM,

you are missing out.

It's a wee bit violent,

considering the hippo flicks its tail

to spray the dung around.

You'd think this would be an attempt

to dislodge the leeches,

but I'm sad to say,

that's not the case.

Has more to do with males showing each other who's boss

by crapping all over the place.

Undeterred by this display of bossiness,

the leech enjoys itself a nice meal of hippo rectal blood.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'm going to go hurl.