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How To Hack a Website

Nicole finally gets a chance to hack into a personal email, only to find herself in the bowels of Agent Topple's locked messages from the 90s. As imagined, this is unfortunate.

Released on 07/10/2013

Transcript

(phones ringing)

Special Projects, Nicole.

We have a situation, what are you doing?

I'm analyzing Glen Greenwald's Verizon metadata.

This takes priority.

Follow my instructions precisely. Ready?

[Nicole] Um, I, I--

Are you ready?

Ready! Ready, yeah.

[Henry] Turn on your computer.

It's already on.

Oh, you're good, kid.

Now, listen to me very carefully.

I need you to hack a website.

Yes! I've been waiting for this moment,

thank you so much, tonight we dine in hell!

Your youthful exuberance is wasting precious time.

Now, I'll give you the information.

Call me back when you have the data.

Ugh, I can't handle the suspense.

I gotta get down there.

All right, Ms. Winters, where are we?

Oh, jeez, um.

Have you hacked the site?

I, yes, I hacked the site.

[Henry] Was your cover blown?

No.

[Henry] Is the data I mentioned still there.

Yes, the data I all here.

Finally.

Now, Ms. Winters, I know an agent has to do

whatever he, or in your case, she, has to

to get the job done, so if you had to sleep with someone

to get this information, that's none of my business.

I didn't sleep with anyone.

Who did you have to sleep with

in order to get this information?

It's been, like a minute.

Uh, read me the data.

Dear HenryTopple1943, thanks

for opening an account with geocities.com,

the world's leading e-mail provider, now and forever.

[Henry] Yes, yes!

Your password is password123.

Password123! Oh, I've been trying

to remember that for years.

Didn't you crack Soviet cyphers?

How can you not remember password123?

Well now, it's tricky when it's

a combination of letters and numbers.

Did I have any e-mails in my inbox?

Yes, a few thousand.

[Henry] Read 'em to me.

[Nicole] Um, most of them seem to be spam.

Amazon says your Bing Crosby cassette has shipped.

Ah.

Oh, but one is super high priority from a Mr. Logan,

wow, from 1998.

Whoa, Logan, he was my partner on a thing,

what does he say?

Henry, I'm sending this to your personal e-mail

so you'll see it tonight.

Just wanted to let you know the agency

has signed off on our little experiment.

The test subject has been acquired.

He's a blank slate, susceptible to hypnotic suggestion.

When the project is over, his memory will be wiped,

and he'll spend the rest of his life

making paintings of his own feet in the bathtub.

Whoa, is this...?

Keep reading.

Let's see, P.S. let me know ASAP

whether we should use this test subject for good or evil.

If I don't hear from you in the next day,

I'll assume it's for evil.

Uh, poor old Logan.

What happened to him?

He was torn apart and then eaten by the test subject.

Oh my god.

Well, omelettes and eggs, Ms. Winters, omelettes and eggs.

Starring: John Hodgman, Emily Heller

Co-creators: David Rees and Brian Spinks
Animation: Flat Black Films

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