(phones chirps) Special projects, Nicole.

An alert just came through from PRISM.

Cyber-terrorists have compromised my network,

probably yours as well.

They're sending threats.

Okay, I'm ready.

What do we know? Who are they?

It's a group calling itself eh-vi-tay.

That name gives me chills.

Eh-vi-tay, eh-vi-tay.

I don't think that's a terrorist group.

I beg to differ.

Listen, Henry Topple, you're invited

to a big blow-out for Doug.

Sincerely, the eh-vi-tay team.

Now, I know what a big blow-out means.

That means there's a bomb under your Oldsmobiles,

but what does Doug mean?

Doug, Doug, Doug.

Doug?

You've worked with him for, like, 30 years.

It's his retirement party. Oh, oh, Doug, oh.

Wait, you were invited to Doug's party and I wasn't?

Oh God, this is it.

My time is done.

I've served my purpose.

They're gonna put me down like a three-legged horse.

You were invited to Doug's party.

That's what the Evite is about.

It's an invitation to Doug's retirement party.

Oh.

Well, then why did PRISM think this was a terror emergency?

Maybe they're bored?

I know my eyes glaze over reading Facebook,

and I only have to keep up with 300 friends.

They have 800 million.

Well, I doff my fedora to this Facebook.

It's the smartest way to keep people dumb

since we started fluoridating the water.

You know we put cognitive dehancers in the water, right?

And in the airplane contrails?

That's why everyone who lives by an airport is so stupid.

It's probably best if you stop talking

about classified information like that.

Now why would that be?

Every time you do it,

I have to fill out an 88J incident report.

(Laughs) 88Js, those are filled out by supervisors.

You're not my supervisor.

Which brings me to my next point.

[Henry] Oh, dear God.

We probably should have addressed this earlier.

[Henry] Don't say it, don't, please, I beg you.

Don't say it. Mr. Topple,

I'm your supervisor.

No, no, no, no.

I've been at this agency for 40 years.

I was overthrowing regimes when you were -20 years old,

cracking codes with a pencil

and a Spanish-English dictionary. (sighs)

I swallowed a fax machine in Guam.

You're a great asset, but the world has changed.

We gotta keep up.

Oh, I get it.

Modernity must have its due.

All hail the cutting edge.

Beep boop dot com.

We are robots spying on you.

You have no rights.

Ugh, I suppose you're gonna haze me now.

[Nicole] Haze, haze you?

Why would I-- I was hazed at Eton,

I was hazed at Skull and Bones,

I was hazed when I signed on with the agency,

but now, I'm asking you as a friend,

I'm asking you as a weak, old man who loves his country,

please don't big-baby me.

Big-baby you?

Yeah, shave my entire body and make me wear a diaper.

It's kinda Hazing 101.

I, I wouldn't do that.

Goo goo gah gah.

Please Mommy.

Goo goo gah gah.

Wait, are you asking me to do it?

Maybe, goo goo gah gah.

I've gotta add, it is wildly inappropriate.