(machines whirring)

(phones rings)

Good morning, special projects extension six one

seven two this is Nicole speaking, how may I help you?

[Man] One one oh one one one oh oh one.

What do you make of that?

I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

Your name is Nicole Winters.

You're 22 years old, single, unless things escalate

with the handsome young man who came by

your apartment last night at 11:32pm precisely.

How did you get this number?

[Man] Your favorite food is kung pao chicken.

You were kicked out of Brown University.

Brown?

Are you calling about my student loans?

I mean, uh Nicole is dead.

It was a train accident you heartless bastard, stop calling.

Calm down, Ms. Winters.

This is Henry Topple.

You've been assigned to me, congratulations.

Oh special agent Topple, I'm so sorry

I didn't know it was you.

First day jitters.

As your mentor, I'm going to bludgeon you

with some hard won wisdom,

and here's Topple tidbit number one.

Don't answer the phones like a solicitous teenager

working at a mall.

This is an off the books department

of the United States government, not a Sunglass Hut.

Got it, so what should I say?

Special projects, Nicole.

Or better yet, special projects, Pam.

Why Pam?

Because it's not your name.

Now the caller knows even less about you

and you can be even less helpful.

It's something we developed when trying

not to share information with those

windbreaker freaks at the FBI.

That makes sense.

Well I may be a high functioning zinfandel addict

with three estranged wives who've seen Kissinger naked,

but I am not an oversharer.

They tell me you're a hacker?

I, I guess.

Did you hear the air quotes around hacker?

My specialty is packet sniffers.

Well that doesn't sound disgusting.

What accents can you do?

Accents?

In my day I was known as the master of accents.

I can infiltrate any country so long as they spoke English.

Ah it was said that I was the Rich Little of spycraft.

Don't freak out, it's still me.

This is the sort of thing you're going to learn.

Well, I will work on my accents.

It'll come in handy when I'm dealing

with the Syrian electronic army.

Good, good, in the meantime you and I

are going to spy on a lot of innocent people together.

Get ready to see the real America, young lady.

A country of human beings, most of them

guilty of no crime whatsoever, and we get

to watch them live their lives 24 hours a day.

You can't beat that kind of intimacy.

Okay, okay.

Two more things, one if you have food

in the kitchenette get it out by Friday.

These cleaning ladies play no games.

Also we faked the Apollo moon landing,

but don't tell Kubrick, he still thinks

we filmed on the moon.

Isn't Kubrick dead?

Yes, that's right.

Stanley Kubrick is no longer alive.