It's Danny and Colin-- Colin, Danny.

We're doing the Wired--

This is Danny and Colin doing the Wired--

Auto, what is it? Auto what?

[Woman] Autocomplete.

You expect us to remember all that?

Seriously. Yeah, okay.

It's gonna be doing it 20 years.

Jesus. [cheerful music]

Okay, let's go, let's do the Wired--

Now, coming to you live from the shabby room

in the Beverly Hills-- Yeah, plush room with--

That's what I meant. Beautiful place, yes.

Okay, give me a doughnut.

[upbeat music]

Can Colin Farrell-- [Colin laughs]

Holy [bleep], this is gonna be good.

Can Colin Farrell holy [bleep]?

Can Colin Farrell dance?

Can I dance, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

not right now-- Like an MF, baby.

Dodgy knee, but yeah, I can dance.

You can dance your ass off, baby.

Dance badly, but I can dance.

♪ You can dance if you want to, ♪

♪ You can leave your friends behind ♪

♪ 'Cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't-- ♪

Can Colin Farrell really play the piano?

Really play the piano, very limited in my piano skills.

But you can play. They're rudimentary.

It's just beneath rudimentary,

it's whatever happens before you reach rudimentary.

Like you know where middle C is.

Somewhere there, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

How was Colin Farrell discovered?

Side of the road in a rubbish skip, barefoot--

Bloody and hit by a car. Just about to embark

on my long walk to school in the snow.

Did Colin Farrell auditioned for Boyzone?

We have to talk about your grammar first, to begin with.

Uh, yeah, I did audition for Boyzone,

and I was tone deaf, I sang Careless Whisper twice

in a room full of producers, and I think they got me to--

asked me to sing it the second time

because I was so tone deaf the first time,

and they couldn't actually believe I had the balls

to stand in front of them and sing

♪ Careless whisper ♪

So it was a boy band, and look,

two of the members of the boy band had dead mics,

and I couldn't even be one of them, so that's how bad I was.

Does Colin Farrell have tattoos?

I have had, I have had, I have, I had.

I've been in the process of laser removal

because I like to get an hour in bed in the morning,

and I don't like to get my body spray painted.

If you're going to get a tattoo, it means, probably,

you get a tattoo on your ass, you know what I mean?

This way, you don't have to worry about, like,

when you get into movies, unless you're me,

and then it's different because I like to show my ass.

Okay, let's go to the next one, Can Danny DeVito.

Can Danny DeVito, I can answer this

without seeing it, yes, he can.

Can Danny DeVito play the saxophones?

Only when somebody else is doing it for me.

[Colin] Can Danny DeVito sing?

Only in the shower, you know, kind of thing.

[Colin] Is Danny DeVito leaving It's Always Sunny?

No, no. Glad to hear it.

Who did Danny DeVito play on the TV hit Taxi?

Louie De Palma. [tape tearing]

[Colin] Who does Danny DeVito play in The Simpsons?

Uncle 'erb, Herb. Herb?

Uncle Herb, 'erb.

Who is Danny DeVito related to?

You relate to me, sometimes. Who am I related to?

Yeah. I got a lot of relatives.

[Colin] Your kids...

[Danny] Is Colin Farrell--

that's him.

I'm going to rip this off,

it's gonna feel like it's a band-aid

on your skin, baby. [shouts]

Is Colin Farrell British?

Jesus. Holy Toledo, oh my god,

is that, is that-- No, I'm not.

That's, like, a low blow, baby.

No, I have so many British friends.

Can you be listening to his accent and tell me,

for crying out loud now--

There'll be all sorts of trouble for this

when my reaction-- That's all we had to do

is spend three months listening to that,

and you don't know he's not a Brit.

Okay, what are you? Irish.

You're Irish. Irish.

♪ When Irish eyes are smiling ♪

I actually did the 23andMe,

I did the 23andMe DNA test. And what'd it come out?

Only 98.7% Irish, so close, close.

As tight Irish as you can get.

Here we go, let's see, is Colin Farrell

[tape rips] singing in Crazy Heart?

Yes. Absolutely.

Any time you want him to, it's still there,

it exists, yep, that was me singing Ryan Bingham's song,

a couple other tunes. Amazing.

Thanks, Danny. That was amazing, man.

Thank you, it was a very limited range of the song,

which is why I could stay with it, shallow parameter.

I loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it.

Tone deaf otherwise, you should hear me in the shower.

Here we go. Is Colin Farrell--

It's is Colin Farrell? Enjoying this game?

Is Colin Farrell Voldemort?

I didn't think anyone knew that.

We'll leave it there, move on.

Okay. No.

Is Colin Farrell still alive? [Danny laughs]

I don't know, but I shall text him,

and I'll get right back to you in a moment, one second.

Oh my god, let's find out, go ahead and check it.

Is Colin Farrell still alive, can't wait to--

Is he there?

He hasn't texted me back yet, I'm concerned.

Are Colin Farrell-- Are, are Colin Farrell--

[Colin] Robert Colin Farrell, R. Collin Farrell--

[hand scraping] It's a bodhrán.

Danny's playing the bodhrán. Here we go, yeah.

I know what a bodhrán is because I'm Irish.

You know it's that because you're Irish, he's Irish.

[Colin] Okay, all right, go on.

Are Colin Farrell and Will Ferrell brothers?

Yes, we just swapped out an E for an A

so as to throw people off the scent.

Is Danny DeVito-- [tape tears]

a blank canvas upon which many people's

ideas and feelings can be painted?

Is Danny DeVito-- [tape tearing]

Is Danny DeVito nice? No.

So nice. Not nice.

I mean, I know people hear nice, and they're like,

oh, that sounds weak, or oh, I want to be

anything but nice, [bleep] that [bleep], man.

No, it's not weak, it's just, I'm a rotten--

I'm a no-good, rotten-- You are nice.

[Danny] I'm not a nice.

Sometimes. Once in a while.

[Colin] Is Danny DeVito in Dumbo?

Take your time with this one.

I'm reading Dumbo, okay, let's see.

Take your time with this one.

Um, yeah, I am in Dumbo, I play Max Medici.

[Colin] Is Danny DeVito in Car Wash?

Was Danny DeVito in Car Wash?

I was, I was in Car Wash.

Yeah, what'd you do in Car Wash?

Did you wash a car? I don't know.

Did you wash a car? I was a car--

Was it clean, pristine? Washing a car, washing a car

All right, is Danny DeVito--

Drunk all the time? Is Danny DeVito egan?

Who is egan, I mean vegan, I'm sure there's a V

under there somewhere. [tape tearing]

Oh, gee, look what you did to that board.

I'm sure there's a V under there somewhere.

You see, now, what are they gonna--

Is Danny DeVito vegan? [laughs]

Are you a vegan, man? No, no, nope, nope,

not a vegan, did I fart?

[laughs] Is Danny DeVito--

Little bit. Okay.

Okay. [Danny trumpets]

Was Danny Devito supposed to be, ooh, good casting,

Wolverine? Wait, what the, what is it?

Wolverine, character in, uh--

Oh, that guy, what's his name?

The X-Men. What's his name?

Hugh Jackman. Yeah, Hugh Jackman.

Yeah, are you Hugh Jackman? Uh...

Were you supposed to be Hugh Jackman?

It was, like, a toss-up because of the abs.

[crew laughing] His abs were, like, you know--

What's everyone laughing at?

People think that's a joke?

Pretty flabby, okay, let's see what we got.

Is Danny DeVito an Eagles fan?

Do you support Philip Duffy?

Yeah, but only when they're in the playoff--

In the, in the, you know,

at the Super Bowl, I'm an Eagles fan.

I mean, I'm like, you know, just Sunny in Philadelphia,

but I actually am New Yorker, so I root for the Giants.

What color are Colin Farrell's eyes?

I don't know. They're, like, green--

No, really? Like brown-ish green--

Really, there's a bit of green in there?

It's a green, you have green eyes.

I've grown into my Irishness.

You have green eyes, he's got green eyes, okay.

That's a first. What was Colin Farrell--

I've been living in denial for 42 years.

What was Colin Farrell's first movie?

Eh, Frankie Starlight, I was an extra in Frankie Starlight

with Matt Dillon. Nice, man.

You didn't say anything, no words?

Not a single word. Not a word.

I giggled in the background uncomfortably.

Good giggle? No, terrible,

really uncomfortable, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, what school did Colin Farrell go to?

I went to a few, I did the rounds, yeah.

Booted, did they boot you out?

I went to St. Brigid's in primary school,

I got booted out of the final one,

St. Brigid's, and then I went to Castleknock College

when I was 12, and then I went to Gormanston boarding school

from 14 to 16, and then I went to Bruce College

for one year, and then about three months

into the second year, they said, Enough.

Out, get out. Be gone.

And I just, oh, it was amazing,

I was so happy, I was so happy.

The first school, was that nuns?

No, the first school wasn't, the first school

was just layfolk-- Were there nuns involved?

There was Vincentians in the second school,

there was Franciscans in the third school,

and then it was laypeople in the fourth school,

so two schools of Catholic [hisses] repression!

They kicked your ass the most?

Yeah! Yeah!

Brutal, brutal. I know, I did that, too.

Okay, here we go. At least it wasn't the nuns.

I had nuns. Did you really?

Yeah. Wicked.

What book is Colin Farrell reading in Total Recall?

Do plastic androidss dream of sheep?

Some androidss dream of sheep, what is that

Philip K Dick book, somebody look it up, is it--

[Man] Do androidss Dream of Electric Sheep?

Do plastic androidss dream of sheep, that's the follow up.

Do androidss Dream of Electric Sheep?

What languages does Colin Farrell speak?

Oh, god, a tiny bit of Gaelic because I'm Irish.

Say something in Gaelic. A couple of friends--

[speaking Gaelic]

No kidding. Yeah, it just means

how are you, are you good? I'm good, man.

How do I say I'm good?

[speaking Gaelic]

Means I'm good, how are you?

[speaking Gaelic]

Pretty good, I like that.

You get that one, okay, here we go.

[Colin] Did Danny DeVito-- [tape tears]

[chuckles] Did Danny DeVito ever won an Oscar? [laughing]

No, nominated for Erin Brockovich, but not, no.

[Colin] Nice, did Danny DeVito produced--

[laughing] Pulp Fiction? Here we go again.

The English is unbelievable.

Yeah, yes, yes, he did.

Is English your first language?

Did Danny DeVito play-- Did Danny DeVito

play in My Cousin Vinny? No, that was Joe Pesci.

That was the other little dude. [laughs]

Italians, Italians are all alike.

[Colin] Did Danny DeVito write a book?

Nope, nope, nope. Oh, I thought you might've.

Are you going to write a book?

I've written in a book, I've written in the margins.

You should write a book. [tape tears]

Did Danny DeVito eat a real fish in Batman?

Absolutely, it was a baby bluefish.

How does Colin Farrell stay in shape?

By having a healthy balance between copious amounts

of junk food and the odd bit of stretching

and working out and hiking. Okay.

[Both] How did Colin Farrell become famous?

Hmm, Danny, you know that better than I do.

Working with me. Yeah, indeed, thank you.

Okay, here we go, let's go, let's go to the next one.

[laughing] How tall is Col-- [laughing]

How tall is Colin Farrell in feet?

In feet! [both laughing]

That's a good one, I like that one.

That's a good one.

[Both] How tall is Colin Farrell in feet?

So that's without heels. In flats.

In flats, in flat feet.

They're slighting my flat-footedness.

Five ten and three quarters. And change.

How-- How--

To get Colin Farrell hair?

[Danny] Hmm.

Coming to a pharmacy near you soon.

[Danny laughing]

[Both] How old Colin Farrell?

I was about to say something there I would regret,

and I'll just leave it there.

[Both] How old Colin Farrell?

How old, Colin Farrell? Oh, how old?

I don't know how old, how old?

How old, Colin Farrell?

Okay, here we go. Okay. [laughing]

Very old, tired, tired--

[Danny] When did Danny DeVito--

When did Danny DeVito-- Agree to do this interview?

[crew laughing]

[laughing] When Danny DeVito-- [laughing]

What, what? [tape tearing]

Danny DeVito, who played Batman

when Danny DeVito played Penguin?

Might have gotten hidden. Wait a minute.

Oh, sorry, lads, when is Danny DeVito's birthday?

November 17th. November 17th.

When did Danny DeVito die? [chuckling]

[chuckles] When did he die? When did you die?

When did you die, man?

I've been dead for a while now.

They want to know when you died.

Why does Danny DeVito narrator Matilda?

[laughing] Why does-- Wait a minute.

Why does Danny DeVito narrator Matilda?

Thanks, everyone. Take care, peace.

All the best. Okay.