Hi, I'm Neil Patrick Harris

and this is the Wired Autocomplete Interview!

I assume there will be titles.

[electronic popping]

[upbeat music]

I Google myself a lot of times throughout the day.

[Neil clicks tongue] [upbeat music]

So, the Google is what Neil Patrick Harris.

Like, What, Neil Patrick Harris?

Or like, What Neil Patrick Harris?

I don't know what Google thinks the inflections are.

But let's see.

What is Neil Patrick Harris doing these days? A lot.

What am I doing these days?

I was just in London filming a episode of a special

for Doctor Who where or I play someone I'm not allowed

to talk about and I had to have a posh British accent

or did I?

And now I'm hangin' out with my kids in our place

in East Hampton with my husband called Funhouse Farm,

fixing things, super gluing things,

and learning how hand tools work.

What was Neil Patrick Harris first movie? Clara's Heart.

It was a Whoopi Goldberg film and I played sort

of a very WASPy kid that she was the housekeeper to

and it was based on a novel by the same name

and it was amazing to have your first movie

be opposite Whoopi Goldberg,

who is as cool in real life as you would think

by watching her be cool in her on camera persona.

What episode did Neil Patrick Harris direct?

I directed an episode of How I Met Your Mother

and it was incredibly exciting.

I got to film a parody as if I was doing an SNL short,

you know, that kind of vibe, and I got to yell at the cast,

which I think was most fun.

Amazing job, Allyson. This time, just try to care.

I'm gonna be a good director someday.

What did Neil Patrick Harris win a Tony for?

I won a Tony for playing Hedwig in the revival on Broadway

of Hedwig and the Angry Inch,

sort of a punk rock show, stomped around like Mick Jagger,

lived my life, lost 21 pounds,

got a yeast infection on my vocal cord.

In thanks for that, they gave me a trophy.

Maybe, because since I hosted the awards before,

I just paid people to change the names in the envelopes.

What [paper rips]

game did Neil Patrick Harris invent?

Well, I've done a couple games, box games.

One's called Amazed, quick word puzzles.

It's the board that you're playing can fold and unfold

and refold in all sorts of different ways.

So the board itself is always different.

I've also, after that,

did a game called Box One that's dope!

It's a party game for one person, Box One.

Too many of these games require too many people to play.

What if you're by yourself?

It's not what you think it is when you start playing it.

It's a bit escape the room. Something's in my eye.

And I can't say more about it

because then it screws up the experience.

We're working on Box Two right now. What will it be?

Wouldn't you like to know? It'll at least be more expensive.

Probably won't actually.

More questions! Bring them on!

Watch this magic trick.

Pop! [Neil claps hands]

Is Neil Patrick Harris the new Doctor Who? No, I'm not.

The new Doctor Who is a man named Ncuti Gatwa who's amazing!

He's on a show called Sex Education right now

and I think his Doctor's gonna be super dope.

Is Neil Patrick Harris really a magician? You be the judge.

Watch this. See this in my hand?

Watch closely. It's gone.

My love for magic runs deep.

I grew up in a small town in New Mexico

and in a larger town called Albuquerque

there was a magic shop.

I'd buy as many little packet tricks as I could,

all the stuff that you need,

and all the the words that you need to say, patter,

and the secret is in there.

I heard about this thing called The Magic Castle,

which was a private club in Los Angeles

but you couldn't go unless you were a magician

and you couldn't get in unless you knew the secret password.

Well, my father, who is an attorney,

his secretary got to go to The Magic Castle and she refused

to tell me and so I became a junior member.

I auditioned when I was in Los Angeles

playing a doctor person and I know the secret password now.

I'm not gonna tell you 'cause you have to figure it out

on your own.

Then I became a regular member and then I became,

I was on the board of directors

and then I became the president of the place,

changed stuff around, new valet, new food,

and it's doing better than ever.

So, if you can get a way into The Magic Castle,

you too can have that same experience.

Is Neil Patrick Harris married?

Well, what do you think, sucka? You see this thing?

I am married to a youngish man, David Michael Burtka.

He's an actor.

He's won the Fred Astaire Award

for his dancing skills on Broadway.

He's very critical of me.

No, he's not. David's great.

We've been married for eight years, but together for 18.

Is Neil Patrick Harris friends with Jason Segel?

Well, let's define friends.

Is anyone friends with Jason Segel, really?

Is Jonah Hill friends with Jason Segel? Yeah.

He's a really lovely guy. He's adorable, super humble.

When you meet him, he'll be like, Oh, hey, wow!

That's so nice of you to say that.

I really appreciate you so much.

And he knows all the lyrics to Les Miserables

and we would sing Javert

and Valjean duets together all the time, so friend for life.

Was Neil Patrick Harris in Starship Troopers?

Fun fact: I wasn't.

It was the kid from Malcolm in the middle.

No, that's not true.

I was in Starship Troopers, Paul Verhoeven film.

I played Carl Jenkins and I get to touch big giant evil bugs

that look very vaginal and say that they're frightened.

Starship Troopers, I only recommend the first one.

[board clatters] Sorry.

Does Neil Patrick Harris like suits? I love suits.

Let's talk about suits. Buy a medium priced suit.

Don't have to spend too much money on it.

Spend a little extra money getting your suit tailored.

Dude, well-tailored suit.

Get a black one and maybe a blue or brown one.

You could be the nicely dressed person at any event.

Always recommend the suit.

Does Neil Patrick Harris tap dance?

Nope, never taken a dance lesson in my life,

which is a problem because I have imposter syndrome.

They call me a song and dance man.

I've never taken a dance class in my life.

I've danced a lot.

I can move it,

but I'm often surrounded by Broadway dancers who are really,

really good at what they do and I just feel inept

in every way.

Can't tap dance, would like to learn.

You have to have loose ankles, I hear.

Does Neil Patrick Harris have the VFD tattoo? Do I!

And flexibility, look at that bad boy.

VFD tattoo is from Series of Unfortunate, hold on.

The VFD tattoo is from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Count Olaf had the same tattoo and,

midway through season one, I thought, Well

I should get that tattoo

because there's only been a few people

who will ever have played Count Olaf

and I don't think Jim Carey is that committed as an actor.

A V, an F,

and a D that only the people who watch the whole show

know what it stands for.

Does Neil Patrick Harris watch Cobra Kai?

Okay. I haven't seen it yet.

I have too many shows like that.

I am just now watching The Crown.

By the way, that Claire Foy, she's gonna go places.

She's amazing. But I haven't.

When am I gonna watch season one of Cobra Kai?

It's already, now there's season seven of Cobra Kai.

Does Neil Patrick, Harry,

Harris sing in Glee?

I sang a single song, Leave On,

with Matthew Morrison in an episode that was directed

by Joss Whedon and I wanted an Emmy award for it.

It was not 'cause I was the best person of the season

in guest actor in a thing category.

It was 'cause I was on the Glee train.

Don't regret it.

[board clatters] Sorry.

How rich, what? Oh.

How is Neil Patrick Harris?

Awesome! Thanks for asking.

How old was Neil Patrick Harris Doogie Howser?

Strange sentence structure, Google.

I expect more from you with the AI.

I did the pilot of that show when I was 15.

I did the first season of that show when I was turning 16

and it ran for four years.

So, let me do the math, 16,

so carry the one, 16 to 24.

How many books has Neil Patrick Harris written?

I've written four volumes of The Magic Misfits series;

can't recommend it enough, super good.

Maybe an animated series soon?

Not droppin' bombs, but, you know,

fingers crossed, it's happenin'.

I also wrote an autobiography.

You choose your own autobiography of Neil Patrick Harris.

It's kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure

where some of the stories are fake,

some of 'em are super heartfelt, some super gay,

and some super funny and so,

if you get bored with the one, you just, it says,

If you want to hear more about Elton John, go to page 164.

How many languages does Neil Patrick Harris, oh, speak?

Fluently, one: English.

[Neil speaks in Spanish and French]

Maybe a little bit of Italiano, one in 1/10th.

[board thuds]

What was Neil Patrick Harris for Halloween?

What aren't I for Halloween?

I was always when I was young obsessed with Tom Savini

and all the crazy makeup stuff, prosthetics.

Love the gore, I love the fake blood. I love Halloween.

I love a safe scare.

I'm a big fan of haunted houses in that way.

I love being scared,

but knowing that they can't touch me

and that's probably why I had kids,

to dress 'em up in funny costumes.

What happens to Neil Patrick Harris in Gone Girl?

Spoilers: In Gone Girl,

I fall in love with a woman

and maybe keep her a little captive

and it does not end well.

What kind of dog does Neil Patrick Harris

think he is, oh, have?

Better, I have three dogs, our family does.

One is a rescue about this big named Gidgit.

She's the oldest now.

Then there's another rescue named Spike.

He's about this big and he looks a little bit like a seal

and he loves to stand on my shoulders

and let me kiss underneath his belly.

[Neil blows raspberries]

And, a third dog,

a golden retriever

that Santa brought the children named Ella.

My father came up with her middle name, which is Menope.

So her full name is Ella M-N-O-P. You're welcome.

What episode was Neil Patrick Harris on Beat Bobby Flay?

I think I've done Beat Bobby Flay twice. It's a great gig.

You don't have to memorize any lines.

You sit there like you're an expert.

You get to say snarky things about food that you don't like

and you get to eat the delicious food all day.

Could I beat Bobby Flay in the show? I'm from New Mexico.

So I know my way a around a burrito

but I feel like Bobby Flay,

he knows his way around some Mexican food too, so no.

I couldn't beat Bobby Flay at anything.

My husband's good.

My husband's Bolognese is stupid delicious.

So I would say that maybe David's Bolognese

could top a Bobby Flay.

But that's personal preference.

Remarkably quiet, that one.

Thank you so much Wired audience

for suffering through all of that.

It was fun for me. Keep watchin'.

Check me out on The Uncoupled

where I'm in flagrante delicto

and also sign up for Wondercade, my weekly newsletter.

It's free and I should never have said yes to it

because every week I have to come up with cool fun things

to talk about.

Okay, bye. [faint upbeat music]

Three, two, one, bye! [upbeat music]