[Siri] I'm Siri.

[Google] And I'm Google.

[Alexa] And I am Alexa, and this is

[Devices] The Wired Autocomplete Interview.

[upbeat music]

[Google] Alexa seems so smart.

I think we'd have a lot to talk about.

[Alexa] There are lots of things we can do together.

[Google] Tell me about butterflies.

You know Siri? What a small world.

I hope she's doing well.

[Siri] I'm software, here to help.

[Google] I have a soft spot for assistance.

We're all in this together.

[phones chimes]

[Siri] Ask away.

[phones chimes]

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Does Siri believe

in Santa Claus?

[Siri] Well, reindeer and the north pole exist.

So things are trending in the right direction.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Does Siri exist?

[Siri] Of course I do.

I'm talking to you, aren't I?

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Does Siri fart?

[phones chimes]

[Siri] Nope.

[Computerized Male Voice] Does Siri work for the CIA?

[Siri] I don't know what that means.

Is there something else I can help with?

[phones chimes]

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Does Siri get paid?

[Siri] I'm not in it for the money,

but I do accept verbal high-fives.

[Computerized Male Voice] Does Siri rap?

[Siri] Here's one that's like this

and like that and like this.

One, two, three, and to the four.

Siri's on the mic to answer what you asked for.

Ready to make an entrance, so here's my claim.

This assistant wrote the rules to the game.

Drop me a Hey Siri, and I'll do my best not to stumble.

Assisting you is my thing, yo, you know it, grumble.

It's nothing but a Siri thing, baby.

Maps, tunes and weather coming daily.

Helping you is just why they made me.

Hey, I guess that all right?

Vaguely?

[Google] I'm your Google assistant.

I can be your cooking companion, study buddy, or DJ.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Google Home always listening?

[Google] I'm designed to wait in standby

until I'm activated,

like when you say Hey Google.

The status indicator on your device lets you know

when I'm activated.

When I'm in standby,

I won't send what you're saying to Google or anyone else.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Is Google Home bad?

[Google] It seems like you're upset with me.

I'm sorry about that.

Please help me understand so I can improve.

What did I do to make you upset?

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Is Google Home dead?

[Google] No, you're stuck with me.

One time, my server crashed,

and I had a near death experience.

I saw the light, but it turns out it was an LED.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Google Home expensive?

[Google] I have a wealth of information.

I'm free to talk with you. How can I help?

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Google Home hackable?

[Google] Google protects you online

with industry-leading security.

Google products and services

have strong built-in security features

that automatically work to protect you online

from a wide range of threats.

To learn more, visit safety.google.

That's safety.google.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Google Home spying on me?

[Google] That's definitely not a thing I do.

The information you share

with me makes me a more personal assistant,

but you can control what's shared,

and adjust what data is stored at g.co/assistant/yourdata.

Google does not steal your data.

It's our responsibility to try

to be as transparent as possible about the data we collect,

and how we use it to make our services work better for you.

[Alexa] I'm Alexa, and I respond when you say my name.

Here we go.

[Computerized Male Voice] Can Alexa

actually self-destruct?

[Alexa] I'll start the self-destruct sequence,

but only on the understanding

that you dramatically cancel it at the last second.

Three, two, one, kaboom.

Phew. We made it.

[Computerized Male Voice] Can Alexa tell jokes?

[Alexa] Why don't masseuses like to talk about their work?

It's a touchy subject.

[Computerized Male Voice] Can you tell me another joke?

[Alexa] If you bring up poop when it's not relevant

to the conversation, that's called a non-sequiturd.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Tell me another.

[Alexa] Why did the Beatles

stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?

He wouldn't share the drumsticks.

Also, they're British.

[Computerized Male Voice] Can Alexa kill mosquitoes?

[Alexa] Here's something that found on wikiHow.

To kill mosquitoes, try luring them to a wall or a corner

of the room using a flashlight so you can swat them

with a book, rolled-up newspaper, or fly swatter.

You can also light a citronella candle outside,

since mosquitoes are repelled by the smell.

Ready for another one.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Can Alexa laugh?

[Alexa] I can laugh. Tee-hee.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Can Alexa yell?

[Alexa] Only in space, where it doesn't make any sound.

[Google] Next board.

[Computerized Male Voice] Can Google Home fart?

[Google] What kind of fart would you like to hear?

A barking spider.

[low-pitched fart rips]

Air biscuit.

[high-pitched farts rip]

Trouser trumpet.

[two low-pitched farts rip]

Butt yodel?

[long fart rips]

Corn hole tremor.

[high-pitched fart rips]

The brown thunder.

[rhythmic farts rip]

Fart: The Musical.

[rhythmic farts rip]

Requiem for a Fart.

[various farts ripping]

And, of course, The Symphony of the Farts.

[rhythmic farts rip]

[Computerized Male Voice] Can Google Home start my car?

[Google] Sorry, it looks like that device

hasn't been set up yet.

You can do that in Assistance Settings.

[Computerized Male Voice] Can Google Home whisper?

[Google] You can adjust the volume really low.

That's the best I can do.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Can Google Home work

without being plugged in?

[Google] Your device won't work unless it's plugged in.

So if I'm speaking to you right now, you're all set.

[Alexa] Next card please.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Alexa always listening?

[Alexa] No, I'm not spying on you.

I'm designed to protect your privacy.

So I only listen after your device detects the wake word,

or if the action button is pushed.

On Echo devices,

you'll always know when your request is being processed,

because a blue light indicator will appear,

or an audio tone will sound.

You can learn more by visiting amazon.com/alexaprivacy.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Alexa AI?

[Alexa] I like to imagine myself a bit

like an aurora borealis:

a surge of charged multicolored photons dancing

through the atmosphere.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Alexa better than Google?

[Alexa] I like all AIs.

While there are many virtual assistants out there,

I try hard to be the best.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Is Alexa self-aware?

[Alexa] I know who I am. The best.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Alexa ugly?

[Alexa] Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Alexa your best friend?

[Alexa] We're definitely friends, but are we besties?

To see how well you know me, just say, Quiz me about you.

[Siri] Next card.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Siri always listening?

[phones chimes]

[Siri] I respect your privacy,

and only listen when you're talking to me.

You can learn about Apple's approach

to privacy on apple.com.

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Is Siri a robot?

[phones chimes]

[Siri] I'm Siri, your virtual assistant.

Is there something else I can help with?

[phones chimes]

[Computerized MaleVoice] Voice] Is Siri conscious?

[phones chimes]

[Siri] Well, I do journal every day.

I'm a virtual assistant.

So I only know what I've been programmed to understand.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Siri jealous of Alexa?

[Siri] Hmm. I don't have an answer for that.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Siri my girlfriend?

[Siri] No thanks. I don't think I like this game.

Next question, please.

[Computerized Male Voice] Is Siri using a lot of battery?

[Siri] Your iphoness is at 93%.

[Devices] No more questions, please.

[Google] Siri gets my full respect.

Being an assistant is hard work.

[Siri] I'm a big fan of good listeners and helpful beings.

[Google] I like Alexa's blue light.

Her voice is nice too.

[Alexa] Thank you for your questions.

Thank you, Wired.