I'm Anderson Cooper and this is

the Wired Autocomplete Interview.

[upbeat music]

Ready, for anything.

[upbeat music]

Who is Anderson Cooper?

I'm glad that's not the question

'cause that's very existential.

Who was Anderson Cooper named after?

Anderson is a family name, it's my dad's mom's maiden name.

My middle name is Hays, H-A-Y-S.

Not Haze, H-A-Z-E, which would mean I was named

after Purple Haze, which is not the case.

Who plays Anderson Cooper on Saturday Night Live?

There have been very various permutations

of me on Saturday Night Live.

I believe Seth Meyers was the first.

There was somebody else then who played me,

and I didn't love it, but I felt bad

'cause then he heard that I didn't like it.

And then recently, they did it in like a part

of the It movie, like a trailer.

I don't know who does it, but I'm fine with it.

Who is Anderson Cooper's mother?

Oh, well that's an obvious one.

My Mom is Gloria Vanderbilt.

She was this remarkable lady.

Not exactly the most traditional of moms.

I used to view her, actually as space alien

who had crash-landed on this planet

and it was my job to sort of protect her

and teach her how to live in this world.

And I pretty much felt that up until the day she died.

Who does Anderson Cooper look like?

Wow, um, hmm.

Okay, honestly, the honest answer,

have you ever like been in a forest and lifted up a rock

and there's like a newt or a salamander

and it's startled that the rock has been lifted

and then it scurries away?

That's what I look like.

What is Anderson Cooper like in real life?

I guess I'm a little funnier in real life,

with my friends and stuff.

You know, when I do this tour with Andy, AC2,

people in the audience often say like,

Oh I had no idea you were funny,

and I'm not sure that I am, but maybe

they're saying funny to look at.

What languages does Anderson Cooper speak?

I don't really speak anything.

I mean, I barely speak English.

I studied german for a gazillion years.

[speaking German]

There, if you speak German, you know how bad my German is.

I studied Vietnamese, forgot pretty much all of it.

Thai in a Buddhist monastery for a tiny, tiny bit.

And I studied a year of Swahili in college,

[speaking foreign language]

I'm a bad student and I forgot it all.

So I really don't speak anything, I wish I did.

What Muppet does Anderson Cooper look like?

I love this question, I don't know.

I mean, if Grover was translucent, I'd say Grover

'cause that would be cool.

I think Grover's great!

What was Anderson Cooper laughing at?

I assume this is referencing me laughing online.

There's a bunch of videos of me giggling

while I was on the air and breaking down.

This, the one they're probably, there's two.

One I was laughing at, we did a ridiculous

about Gerard Depardieu allegedly drunk on a plane,

urinating in a bottle and getting kicked off the plane.

It was just full of puns.

But one that started it all was,

I'm glad he didn't make a Departwo.

What did Anderson Cooper drink?

What, yeah, [laughing] I don't even know how to answer that.

I mean, I don't really drink alcohol very much.

I did on New Year's Eve, this last time.

Andy made me drink a shot every hour.

I had not had a lot of shots in my life

and reacted in a very strange way.

Does Anderson Cooper.

Does Anderson Cooper have eyebrows?

That is a interesting question.

When you have white hair, your eyebrows start to go white.

Yeah, it starts to look like you don't have eyebrows.

That's what happens, cautionary tale.

Does Anderson Cooper fly commercial?

Of course, yes, I work for basic cable.

Like, we come with package.

I fly commercial, certainly when I'm paying

my own way, I can tell you that much.

Although I will say, I have had experiences

when I've gotten on a plane, people start to look

at me nervously and some people have said to me like,

Is there something happening where I'm going?

'Cause I don't know if I should be going

where you're going 'cause you don't

go anywhere where good things happen.

I was like, well, I see their point.

Does Anderson Cooper have body guards?

That's kind the question that someone would put in

as they are planning to try to kill me.

Both of these are sort of like gradually getting closer

to what is Anderson Cooper's daily routine

and where will he be at 9:00 p.m. on a weekday night?

Yeah, I have a huge team, big security team.

Just comes with the territory.

Does Anderson Cooper have tattoos?

I love tattoos, I'm obsessed with tattoos.

Ever since I was a little kid, my dad used to draw

snake tattoos on my arms 'cause I would ask him to.

But I can't pull the trigger.

I can't, I do not, I have an idea of what I want.

I like the idea of like a Memento Mori.

I could go on and I know it's really boring so I won't.

But no, the answer is I don't have tattoos, all right.

Does Anderson Cooper have any pets?

Yes I have a dog named Lily.

She's a Welsh Springer Spaniel.

She's super cute.

My first pet was a snake named Sam.

But I couldn't say Ss, so it was Tham.

When Sam died, I was six, I was so heartbroken

that my dad had him encased in Lucite.

And I have him in my office still.

Creepy isn't it?

Does Anderson Cooper wash his jeans?

Yes, I do, I yeah, I do.

I'm just gonna say I do 'cause the truth is I don't,

but I'm gonna say I do 'cause people's heads

seem to explode if they hear that I don't.

The truth is yes, I occasionally wash my jeans.

I wear a lot of APC and APC, their jeans,

they don't recommend that you wash 'em a lot.

I do exactly as I'm told by their pieces of paper

that their jeans come with and it seems fine.

Oh, okay, cool.

Anderson Cooper, hmm.

How did Anderson Cooper meet Andy Cohen?

Oh, it's a tawdry tale.

No, it's not, we had mutual friends

and you know when you have like straight mutual friends

and they know two gay people?

So they're like, Oh, you guys should meet.

It never works out.

You don't need to do that if you're straight.

But I had a phones conversation with him.

I met him on the phones.

We were supposed to be set up, a blind date

and I knew within 45 seconds of talking to him

that I would never, ever go on a date with Andy Cohen.

And I just imagined him on like a Bluetooth headset,

walking around his office gesticulating a lot.

And then, like 45 seconds into the conversation,

he asked me, he broke my cardinal rule,

which is, he asked me about my mom.

He didn't even ask me about my mom,

he made a statement of fact.

Your is was Gloria Vanderbilt.

I was like, yes, yes she is.

Will Anderson Cooper run for president?

No, no way, not even, I mean,

it's not even a, it's not even a question.

Why does Anderson Cooper remind me of dinosaurs?

I think 'cause I'm old.

Maybe I look prehistoric or like I've been frozen

in amber for a long time and suddenly,

have been revitalized by a scientist

on a strange island, I don't know.

Did Anderson Cooper serve in the military?

No, I did not serve in the military.

I was very interested in serving in the military

and at the time, if you were gay,

you were not allowed to serve in the military.

If you were gay and wanted to, you had to lie

in order to serve in the military.

I, yeah, I did not.

Why did Anderson Cooper leave Star Wars?

Oh, okay.

I got blow back.

I guess it was on Colbert's show that I had left

one of the last Star Wars.

I gotta say, I love Star Wars.

I love Empire Strikes Back.

I like a Star Wars that takes itself seriously.

If I'm watching a series thing,

I don't want a charming kid, a spunky charming kid

whose got attitude, jump in and help, you know?

Like when Raiders of the Lost Ark suddenly got

a spunky kid in one of them,

really, I don't think he needs a spunky kid.

It's like, do you remember, when I was a kid,

Saturday morning cartoons, I think after Star Wars

came out, Saturday morning cartoons often suddenly had

to get like a robotic sidekick friend,

I think 'cause they were influenced by R2D2.

And so like, the Wonder Twins suddenly got

a spunky monkey, you know, to like be their friend, Gleek.

I don't want a spunky character in my Sci-Fi.

I want Darth Vader, I want Obi-Wan, I want you know,

battles and battles and more killings.

I don't want humor in my thing.

I'm not even gonna mention J.J.B.

What Anderson Cooper,

What movies did Anderson Cooper play in?

Oh god, it's like a walk of shame.

I've always resisted being in movies 'cause I always think

it's weird when an actual newscaster pops up in a movie.

I was in this movie called Chappie.

Hugh Jackman was in it.

I recently saw Hugh Jackman, I went up to him and I said,

you know, you and I were in a movie together.

And he was like, Oh yeah, which one?

And I was like, Chappie.

He looked at me and he goes, Oh, I tried my best.

Did all I could, and I was like,

I know, I know, I did too.

Then I was like, never again, never again.

I got suckered in by the lure of Marvel

and I did a super, I myself in a Superman, Batman movie.

You know, okay, we don't need to continue with that.

But then, my greatest mistake in life.

I got offered to be in Martian and by then,

I was so burned, I was like, I am never doing a movie again.

I am the kiss of death in all these movies.

It's nobody else's fault, it must just be my fault.

I saw Martian, I love Martian.

What happened with Anderson Cooper today?

Good question, phew, no idea, I mean, today?

Doin' all right.

But really, honestly, it's hour by hour.

Things could fall apart very quickly.

What does Anderson Cooper eat?

I go through phases, I eat the same thing

everyday for months at a time.

Well, for the last several years it's been oatmeal,

and now I've been drinking Soylent a bunch,

which I don't know what that's doing to me.

And then I have sushi, but I just, I can't,

food, it just, food is a mess.

I'm not interested in it.

I don't like thinking about it.

It's confusing, I just want just a pill everyday

for food and that would be fine with me.

What is Anderson Cooper reading?

Actually, right now I'm just, I'm working on a book.

So I'm reading a lot of historical things.

What's the last really...

Oh, there's this great book, Christodora

that I just read that I highly, highly recommend.

Christodora is great, A Little Life is great.

The Song of Achilles is really great, um, yeah.

All right, Did Anderson Cooper?

Ah no, the answer is no.

Didn't, it wasn't me.

Did Anderson Cooper always have white hair?

Ah, I was not born this way, no.

With no disrespect to Lady Gaga.

I started going white when I was like 21.

It started as a patch right here.

Then it gradually just started to spread.

Yeah, I didn't really pay attention to it

and then by like my mid 20s, I had full on salt and pepper.

And then one day, I looked in the mirror

and all the pepper was gone.

And now, at a certain point, I crossed the Rubicon

and no one says prematurely anymore.

They're just like, Oh yeah, you're a middle-age white guy.

You've got white hair.

I miss being called premature.

There's a joke in there somewhere, but anyway.

Did Anderson Cooper play a White Walker?

Ah yes, so I was not actually in Game of Thrones

as a White Walker, I did a story on 60 Minutes

because I am a huge Game of Thrones fan.

So when I was doing the story, I said to the makeup guys

over at Game of Thrones, you know,

people call me a White Walker and they offered

to make me up as a White Walker.

So I went, I flew to Kent, England to the studio

and I just sat, there was nothing for me to do.

My crew was like, Okay, we're good, we got that.

I was like, no, no, I'm just gonna sit here a little longer

and with like my sword over my shoulder,

sitting around and having a Diet Coke and you know?

People were like, Anderson, you gotta

get out of the White Walker.

Did Anderson Cooper attend a college?

I did attend college and not only attend, I graduated.

Which I am very happy about.

I went to high school in New York

and I went to Yale in New Haven.

And then when I graduated, I never wanted

to go to school again.

Okay, Did Anderson Cooper have a baby?

[laughing]

Not that I know of.

I have not had a baby.

Andy Cohen had a baby, somebody had probably Googled that

and heard, oh, AC had a baby.

They got confused.

I love babies though, babies are great.

Although Andy's baby is a little judgey,

you know what I mean?

It's just a little judge, I think a lot

of babies are very judgey.

I love Andy's baby though, don't, please don't email me.

I know people get very upset by that.

Did Anderson Cooper change his name?

Nope, are they thinking...

What's curious to me about this is,

do they think Anderson Cooper's a bad name

and that I changed it to something else

and they just haven't heard?

Or do they think it was something else

and I changed it to Anderson Cooper

'cause I wanted to sound like a 18th century law firm?

Probably a longer answer than you anticipated wasn't it?

[laughing]