Hey man, I'm Kevin Smith

and this is the Wired Autocomplete Interview.

What a weird question.

They went to the internet

and literally typed in that question.

Who is Kevin Smith?

Who is Kevin Smith?

I used to be able to be like,

oh Kevin Smith's a fat guy from New Jersey,

but then that changed.

Kevin Smith won't stop.

He's been at it for 25 years doin' various bull[beep].

That's who Kevin Smith is.

Who is Kevin Smith Big Bang Theory?

Does that indicate that people were watching

The Big Bang Theory and be like,

I don't know who this fool is, I have to look him up.

How weird, because in my mind, everybody knows who I am.

I've been around for 25 years,

smeared all over the corporate landscape like feces

and I assume most people know who I am,

but what this tells me is there are a bunch of cats

who were watching That Big Bang Theory who were like,

I don't know who the [beep] this claud is.

Who is Kevin Smith's daughter?

Really the question behind the question is

Who [beep] Kevin Smith to give him a kid?

I'm sure that's the next question.

Who on earth would [beep] Kevin Smith?

Kevin Smith's daughter, who is Kevin Smith's daughter?

I can answer that.

Harley Quinn Smith.

We named her after the Joker's sidekick.

Who is Kevin Smith married to?

That makes a lot of sense.

So right after Who would [beep] this fool,

the obvious question is who did [beep] this fool.

This lady, if I could write it in here,

it would say Jennifer Schwalbach.

Got a name like an old German House-frau, but she's not.

When I met her, she was a journalist.

She wrote for USA Today.

I gave her a really good interview.

The interview lasted for like an hour,

but then we sat around talking for two hours

after that and stuff.

And she got to know who is Kevin Smith.

Kevin Smith Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

Did I win?

Can you win without playing?

And did nobody tell me?

Wouldn't that be amazing if I had a million dollars

unclaimed sittin' at ABC for like the better part

of the last 10 years?

That's like [beep] you money right there.

I have no idea why this would be.

Maybe there was a contestant named Kevin Smith.

I'll be honest with you, the name doesn't exactly stand out

like Quentin Tarantino.

There's only one of those.

There are a lot of Kevin Smiths.

What was Kevin Smith first movie?

Clerks.

That's the word I say every day of my life

and have since 1994.

Because it changed my entire life.

I made this movie called Clerks.

That's why we're having this conversation.

What happened to Kevin Smith.

It's a question you never wanna read

while you're out there promoting a movie.

Don't feel real relevant when you're like,

what happened to Kevin Smith?

He's still around.

I think, I'm gonna choose to believe

its reference is what happened to Kevin Smith,

his health condition, because I changed.

I used to be a larger person, now I'm a smaller person

because I had a massive heart attack.

So what happened to Kevin Smith?

He had a widowmaker.

That's the heart attack you have when the LAD,

is the artery that goes across the front of your heart,

100% blocked by cholestorol,

'cause I used to eat a lot of animal food products.

I used to drink two gallons of milk a day.

The doctor goes, you got full blockage in the LAD

going across your heart, man.

That's called the widowmaker heart attack.

Mother[beep] reached up in me and saved my life

with his hand and tools and [beep] like that.

It was amazing, so what happened to Kevin Smith?

He lived mother[beep].

He's like the boy who lived.

He's a modern day Harry Potter with none of the magic.

What is Kevin Smith diet?

After I had a heart attack,

my kid encouraged me to go vegan.

She had been a vegan for two, three years at that point.

So she was like, I gotta flip him.

And she did and I became vegan.

And so I hate vegetables.

[beep] hate 'em with a passion.

Very hard to be vegan when you hate vegetables and stuff.

But what I do is now I intermittently fast

because given the choice between broccoli and kumquats,

you're like, you know what?

I'd rather not [beep] eat.

And so you just don't eat at all.

And so you skip meals.

I don't eat breakfast.

I break my fast at about one or two o' clock

in the afternoon.

I go as deep into the day as I can

and I don't eat after eight o' clock at night,

because what happened to Kevin Smith,

What is Kevin Smith diet is he went vegan.

What episodes of The Flash

did Kevin Smith direct?

Sometimes in my spare time

when I'm sitting around just talking for a living, I direct.

So I've directed a few episodes,

three episodes of The Flash.

It's a show where the boy solves all of his problems

while running very fast.

And then I've directed four episodes of Supergirl.

That's a show in which the girl solves all of her problems

by being from another planet all together.

What does Kevin Smith,

smell like?

Taste like?

What's the question gonna be?

Look like now?

Well, you're lookin' at it.

It's that simple.

This ain't a choice.

This is like, you know,

you either eat healthy and lose weight, or [beep] die.

So that's what Kevin Smith looks like now.

Why is Kevin Smith in Lego Batman 3?

So somebody was playing Lego Batman 3 and they're like,

Are you [beep] [beep] me?

He's in this too?

Why?

I don't know.

I got asked.

I remember getting a phones call and they're like,

You like Batman, right?

I was like I love Batman.

Do you wanna be in the Lego Baman game?

I was like [beep] yeah.

Because my career started in film as a director,

but somewhere along the line I let go of that

and I just became me for a living.

Where is Kevin Smith,

Where is Kevin Smith's comic book store.

It's in Red Bank New Jersey.

Beautiful downtown Red Bank New Jersey.

We had a TV show about it for seven seasons.

That's five and a two.

Seven seasons on AMC.

It was called Comic Book Men.

Which stormtrooper was Kevin Smith?

'Cause I played a storm trooper in The Force Awakens man.

It was just my voice.

I wasn't in the costume.

I couldn't have squeezed into the costume at that point.

He didn't have a name.

They didn't give me a designation.

I called him TK420, you know, 'cause, you get it.

Could Kevin Smith direct Batman?

What a great question.

If you're asking me, I'd say no.

That takes patience.

Making them super hero movies

look like they take a lot of time.

I barely have enough patience for the CW shows.

They shoot those things in nine days

and by day six I'm like, are we still doing this?

If I was asked to direct a Batman movie,

I'm not [beep] dumb, I'd say yeah.

And I'd let somebody else do it and collect the check.

Why does Kevin Smith wear hockey jerseys?

Clearly today that's not the case.

For a long, long time I lived in hockey jerseys.

I was much heavier

and for those of you that don't know this,

the hockey jersey also acts as a fat guy's mumu.

So I lived in hockey jerseys to hide my flab.

Then I lost a bunch of weight

and I kept trying to wear the hockey jerseys

but I looked stupid in them.

Now, I've wore jorts the whole time.

25 [beep] years.

I'm committed to jorts.

They're coming back, kids.

Get your pair now.

JNCO's back, so jorts will be back too.

Are all Kevin Smith movies connected?

What a great question.

Most of them are.

In the beginning of my career,

I was real into the idea of universe building,

and so all my movies are connected.

The people in Clerks reference events in Mallrats

and vise versa.

The people in Chasing Amy know all those characters.

Jay and Silent Bob pop up in all the movies.

All the characters in this little section of New Jersey,

everybody knows each other and stuff like that.

Now, in the age of Marvel movies,

people are like, hey man, you did it before Marvel!

They stole your idea!

They did not.

I stole that idea from Marvel comics,

like in the comic books,

everybody knew each other so when I made movies,

I was like, that's what I wanna do.

And I like that.

I like the notion of,

oh yeah everybody knew each other in this world.

Why should every story stand apart

and these people don't know each other?

I like the idea of crossovers.

As a comic book kid, that appealed to me

so I put it deep into my movies as well.

Did Kevin Smith go to college?

He did!

For like a red hot minute, man.

He went to community college in Brookdale,

is where I lived in New Jersey when I was growing up,

but I tried to go to the new school

for social research in Manhattan.

It was for writing.

I wanted to be a writer real badly.

I lived on the eighth floor of a building in Union Square

and I'd only ever lived on one floor in my whole life

and one day we're all sitting around the suite.

Somebody throws a water balloon out the window

and I'm like, what?

What a great idea, man.

And suddenly we start making water balloons

and whipping them out the window and we're like bam!

And throwing 'em eight floors down.

Everyone else in the room got bored of it,

but me, I was like let's keep doing it!

So I go home that weekend.

My parents said, come in here to the living room,

and they're like what is this letter?

And they hand me a letter from my college

where they tell my parents

that I was throwing water balloons out my window

and that they've heard that I plan to repeat this activity

at the end of the school year

and they're letting my parents know

if one drop of water hits the ground in Manhattan,

they're calling the NYPD and blaming me

and I'm getting arrested.

And I'm like, college?

This is a high school tattle-tell thing.

They [beep] tell on you in college?

[beep] upper education.

This is a bunch of bull[beep].

This is high school plus.

So I dropped out of college, man.

I went to Brookdale for a few semesters

and then instead I wound up making Clerks.

Did Kevin Smith discover Chris Hemsworth?

If anyone's asking, then yes.

I discovered Chris Hemsworth

is in my new movie Jay and Silent Bob Reboot.

And he was wonderful in it, he came in.

Crushed it.

He was funny.

Dude's very very funny.

And insanely easy to look at.

Oh my God.

Does Kevin Smith like Kevin Bacon?

Everybody loves Kevin Bacon, man.

Does Kevin Smith have a podcast?

Come on.

Kevin Smith has nothing but podcasts.

He's got nothing going for him.

He's got a lot of podcasts.

I think I've got five at this point, active ones.

SModcast, Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, Hollywood Babylon,

Fat Man Beyond.

I guess four active ones at this point.

Does Kevin Smith drink?

What an interesting question.

No, I don't.

And you wanna know why?

It's because of Jesus.

Let me tell you about my friend Jesus,

no I'm just kidding.

I don't like the taste of [beep] booze.

[scoffs] Drinking, not for me.

I ain't against it,

I don't try to tell people be teetotalers and don't drink.

But I can't stand it, it's not for me at all.

Weed on the other hand.

Is Kevin Smith Silent Bob?

You just saw it, absolutely he is.

Is Kevin Smith Canadian?

What a great question.

I get asked this all the time

and people assume I am because I wore the hockey jerseys.

I made a movie called Dogma,

in which God was portrayed by Alanis Morissette,

Because I always felt that God would be Canadian,

so a lot of people assume that I'm Canadian, I'm not.

I'm from New Jersey.

I'm just a Canadaphile.

If I could be a dual citizen, I almost did.

I came close to taking a test and becoming a dual citizen,

just for the [beep] of it.

Not like 'cause I married somebody, 'cause I was like,

I'd be proud to be Canadian, until somebody was like,

you're gonna be paying two income taxes

in two different countries.

I was like wait, what?

And then I backed off.

I like Canada, but I don't want them taking all my money.

Is Kevin Smith religious?

He made a movie called Dogma.

He was raised religious, Kevin Smith.

I like when we talk about him in the third person.

Is he religious now, no.

I guess I would describe him as spiritual.

He believes in people.

Dogma might have been the last gasp

of my religious background.

That was me kinda working my stuff out and going,

oh I guess I'm done with this.

Is Kevin Smith a good director?

Kevin Smith is my favorite director in the world.

The movies he makes are exactly the movies

that I wanna see.

Every aspect of them I'm like, Oh my God, he got it right!

Good director?

He's a great director!

Now, you ask others, not necessarily the case.

So that's it, man.

That's all the questions

that have been googled about me ever,

so nobody ever needs to google me again.

We've covered that area.

I've done Google a service.

You're welcome, Google.

Now you can concentrate on more important matters,

but we've covered Kevin Smith to death.

Near death.