(light piano jingle)

(steam fuming)

I read your comments

and I respond to them.

Even if it means watching My Little Pony,

to render the considered opinion on Bronies (groans)

But lots of you have been trying to

get me to say that Disney purchasing Star Wars

is a bad thing.

You think that J.J. Abrams, creator of Lost,

reboot-er of Star Trek, director of the next Star Wars

is going to put mouse ears on the Jedi

and have Sith Lords singing Randy Newman songs.

Well, you're all

wrong!

Man, I hate it when nerds complain about things

before they even begin.

Unless we're talking about the next Terminator movie

out in 2015,

which is obviously going to suck.

I'll be back.

So you think Disneys going to ruin Star Wars?

Well, let's take a look at another beloved universe

that Disney ruined.

Yeah, the House of Mouse acquired the House of Ideas

in the early days of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Before Iron Man 2 even!

And most geeks seem pretty happy

with the superhero movies since then.

Now, is Disney going to kid-ify Star Wars?

Well, first let's be clear:

Star Wars

is

for kids!

It has poop jokes.

(farts)

(disgusted moans)

And chaste romances.

(romantic music)

And made up swear words.

Scruffy looking Nerf herder!

Look, all but one Star Wars movie

has been rated PG.

Meanwhile, all of the Disney Marvel films

and all of the Pirates of the Caribbean films

for that matter,

have had violence, and swearing, and risqué humor

that merited PG-13 ratings.

And can we all just admit this now?

After the prequels, Len Wiseman could introduce

a werewolf versus vampire romance plot

to the Star Wars Universe,

and it would still

feel like

a step up.

J.J Abrams and his crew should be banished

to Ceti Alpha V, for what they did to Star Trek.

Khan!

But, the ways they betrayed Roddenberry's vision,

turning the talking character-driven TV series

into a sensory overload of

frantically-paced action effects,

would actually help Star Wars movies.

Look, Abrams' universe of faith and spiritualism

relies on magic that only works

if you believe in yourself.

Does that sound like Star Trek?

No!

It's Star Wars.

Or, especially,

Disney.

I don't, I don't believe it.

That is why you fail.

Oh, and you're worried that Disney

will besmirch Star Wars movies,

with cheesy, silly musical numbers?

Let me just say one thing.

Yub nub eee chop yub nub.

♫ Yub nub eee chop yub nub

And another thing,

ab queck zenick fesi.

♫ Ab queck zenick fesi

And that other thing.

(Cantina Band by John Williams)

I think you get

my point!

Let me know in the comments

if you prefer Huttese funk jams

or Ewok celebration chants.

Me? I'm more of a Riker playing trombone

kind of guy myself.

(trombone wails)

Disagree with me?

Leave a comment below.

I'll tell you why you're wrong!