(light lucid music)

(worker horn blowing)

Hola.

I hereby declare. . .

Ugh, I can't see a thing.

Just a second.

(comical music)

Ah, much better!

I hereby declare a moratorium on movies

about real people who decide to become superheroes.

Look, the point of Special,

Super,

Defendor,

Kick-Ass and now Kick-Ass 2 is plain.

Cosplay vigilantes are out of place

in drab, mundane everyday reality.

People behind these films seem to think

they're making some grander point.

Oh, he's wearing a costume and fighting crime

but punches break bones and hurt real bad;

because that's how it works in real life.

Get it?

Get it?!

Well, no felgercarb Starbuck.

The writers to these films

think that there are actually sad, diluted individuals

out there who can't see the disconnect

between our reality and comic book reality.

What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Me?!

I have no problem distinguishing

between comic book reality and our reality.

Our own realm, known as Earth-616 or Earth Prime

depending on your preferred comic book theology;

I make no judgement,

is one universe among many.

No one on our version of earth has superpowers,

that we know of

at present.

And no one has invented a trans-dimensional warp

to let us access these alternate earths with superheroes.

Yet!

But I guess ultimately movies like Kick-Ass

don't make sense to me because big-budget blockbusters

are themselves a parallel universe.

Where digital color correction and CG effects

and two-dimensional characters make it better suited

to telling superhero stories

than depicting everyday reality.

I call this parallel realm:

Planet Hollywood!

Oh wait, that's taken.

I call this parallel realm:

Earth

Squared!

(throat grunting)

(sign whooshing)

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