(upbeat tones)

(fast typing)

(train whistle blowing)

Listen bub, Wolverine might be number seven

on my list of the 463 coolest comic characters,

but his implausible backstory really gets under my skin.

I'm not talking about the fact that Marvel

created a superhero with special mutant healing power

and then decided that he was from Canada,

a country with socialized medicine.

No, I'm talking about the explanation

for the foot long claws in Wolvie's arms.

When Len Wein first created Wolverine,

the claws were just part of his costume.

But when he turned up in the revamped X-Men,

the claws turned out to be metal implants.

Of course they never got around to explaining

how he got this elaborate system

of artificial muscles and tendons

that would've been required to extend and retract them.

It's implausible, but not unforgivable.

What's unforgivable is the way the recent comics

and the current movie series introduced a retcon.

Retroactive continuity change, duh,

that made his talons far more dubious.

Now we are to believe that Wolverine

was born with claws made out of bone

that were later coated with

the indestructible metal, Adamantium.

So that makes them totally natural

and much easier to swallow, right?

Wrong! Because there's no such thing as bone claws.

Mammals have claws made out of keratin, not bone.

Hey, you boneheads at Marvel,

I have an idea for a new superhero, Tibia Man.

When danger is near, he pops out his shin bones

and whacks baddies with them.

It's preposterous! I mean how are we expected to...

(horn blowing)

Okay, but I mean, excreting bones in combat.

That's so ridiculous that they would never...

(fail sound)

Okay, I surrender.

I can't think up a superhero more

anatomically idiotic than that.

Join the ANA, Angry Nerd Army.

(whooshing)

I'm your general, I'm looking for a few good nerds.

Enlist with a video reply today.