(clacking) (steam whistling)

I don't know what to think

about these rebooted Star Trek films.

My name is James Tiberius Kirk.

(heavy breathing) Jim, I think I love you.

You see, the décalage of Trek films

that appeared between 1979 and 2002

were all films about characters

that mainly existed in a TV show universe.

The premises of the TV version was never in doubt.

In fact, the movies got better when they lowered the budgets

and the writing became more TV like.

You said you would kill me.

I lied.

But the latest J.J. Abrams version,

turns the familiar and beloved cast of characters

into typical blockbuster action heroes.

There are four of us and one of you.

So get some more guys and then it'll be an even fight.

(hand smacking)

Characters are established at warp five speed.

Enlist in Starfleet.

Enli-- (laughs)

Hello, ladies.

And their character arcs are secondary

to the battle scenes.

Kirk and Sulu fighting on a sky platform

and falling hundreds of miles to the planet's surface.

Come on!

I prefer clumsy old school fight scenes

with double fist punches

that were clearly choreographed by the actors themselves.

(grunting)

When Star Trek Into Darkness comes out

I will register my displeasure

the same way I did in 2009.

With my wallet.

I will only see Star Trek Into Darkness once...

During its theatrical run.

At full price.

I mean, I'll go see it again at a matinee

but I won't pay full price more than once.

(classical music)

You dare disagree with me?

Show your courage in the comments

and subscribe to the Wired channel if you haven't already.