Old Trek, New Trek
Released on 05/08/2013
(clacking) (steam whistling)
I don't know what to think
about these rebooted Star Trek films.
My name is James Tiberius Kirk.
(heavy breathing) Jim, I think I love you.
You see, the décalage of Trek films
that appeared between 1979 and 2002
were all films about characters
that mainly existed in a TV show universe.
The premises of the TV version was never in doubt.
In fact, the movies got better when they lowered the budgets
and the writing became more TV like.
You said you would kill me.
I lied.
But the latest J.J. Abrams version,
turns the familiar and beloved cast of characters
into typical blockbuster action heroes.
There are four of us and one of you.
So get some more guys and then it'll be an even fight.
(hand smacking)
Characters are established at warp five speed.
Enlist in Starfleet.
Enli-- (laughs)
Hello, ladies.
And their character arcs are secondary
to the battle scenes.
Kirk and Sulu fighting on a sky platform
and falling hundreds of miles to the planet's surface.
Come on!
I prefer clumsy old school fight scenes
with double fist punches
that were clearly choreographed by the actors themselves.
(grunting)
When Star Trek Into Darkness comes out
I will register my displeasure
the same way I did in 2009.
With my wallet.
I will only see Star Trek Into Darkness once...
During its theatrical run.
At full price.
I mean, I'll go see it again at a matinee
but I won't pay full price more than once.
(classical music)
You dare disagree with me?
Show your courage in the comments
and subscribe to the Wired channel if you haven't already.
Starring: Chris Baker
Series Trailer
Old Trek, New Trek
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