(train whistle)

I have a problem with Zynga.

The social game publisher is doing something

that is positively insidious, and I don't mean

creating interactive time syncs so addictive

that they could have been designed by an evil

behavioralist mastermind bent on enslaving humanity!

My problem with Zynga is...

Excuse me, I need to harvest some corn.

My issue with Zynga is the way they've turned

their digital games into analogue table-top games.

Inappropriate genre crossing!

First they released a FarmVille branded version

of Hungry Hungry Hippos, called Hungry Hungry Herd.

They replaced the hippos with farm animals, but hey,

at least Hungry Hungry Herd is honest.

It's a new brand slapped on top of a familiar game,

not unlike Halo Risk or Star Wars Operation.

It's crass, but in a familiar, almost comforting

sort of way, but now Zynga has criss-crossed between

the physical world and the digital world in ways

that tie reality into a Gordian knot.

It's turned it's digital games Words With Friends

and Draw Something into board games.

Board games!

Do I have to spell out why this threatens to tear

a hole in the space/time continuum?

It's clear as day that Words With Friends owes

a huge debt to Scrabble

and Draw Something shares a suspicious number

of features with Pictionary.

So follow along with me here.

We have two classic board games, reverse engineered

to become video games, and now these left-handed copies

are being transformed back into new board games.

I think if you touch a Scrabble tile to

a Words With Friends tile, it opens a portal

into a parallel universe.

But it's the shamelessness that really gets me.

Like no one's going to notice that this new board game

seems a little bit familiar.

Hey Zynga, I had a brainstorm!

Why don't you take your popular Facebook game Texas Hold'em

and turn it into a real world card game.

I'm thinking a collection of 52 pieces of cardboard

divided into four suits, say 15 denominations,

players assemble special groupings to win.

Oh and why not sell some Zynga poker chips too.

I know how much you love pedaling virtual currencies.

What's the longest single stretch you've played

a Zynga game for?

I need to know right now, in the comments.

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