(chimes)

(typewriter clacking and train whistle)

Hello from Comic-con.

This annual event is a mecca

for science fiction and comic book fans.

And everyone who knows Stan Lee

from Jim Lee should make the pilgrimage here.

It's also a place where you can let your geek flag fly

and cosplay as your favorite character

without fear of getting a wedgie from bullies.

But, you'll notice that I've left my

Chewbacca body suit at home.

It's not because I don't want to send

the wrong signal to furries,

although I don't.

It's because I'm incensed

by the restrictive policies on

costume weaponry at Comic-con.

Just take a look at the guidelines

on Comic-con Internationals' website.

This fascist document,

asserts that all swords,

guns, laser pistols, glaives,

phasers, bat'leth, et cetera,

must be inspected at the weapons check desk.

All projectile weapons must be rendered inoperable.

It's like my Boba Fett action figure all over again.

Costume swords, they have to be tied down

so they can't be drawn.

Madness!

What is this some evil Sith plot?

All weapons must be tagged

and every cosplayer must wear a wristband

designating that they've passed this stringent check.

Look, nothing destroys the effect

of a Conan the barbarian costume

more than safety tags and wristbands.

Well, except for pale and flabby physique.

But, the tags and wristbands run a close second.

Look, super heroes like Phoenix and Blue Beetle

fought and died for my right to bare

imaginary costume weaponry.

You've heard of the Tea Party?

We need to start a costume ball.

Don't tread on me Comic-con International.

Subscribe to the Wired channel.

And let me know in the comments

what really grinds your gears about cosplay restrictions.